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Casey dictionary: Definitions as defined by Casey (yeah, I know, I didn’t really need to spell that out, did I?!)

Age – a number assigned to a person based on their date of birth.  It is used by many to put people into different, meaningless categories.  Sadly, many people define themselves by this number.  In reality, age is a matter of mind, not a number, and cannot be determined by the date of one’s birth.  People on a journey of Tiggerhood tend to be eternally young and their true age tends to be very different (and much lower) than the age they were given based on their date of birth.

Bjj – (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu  – here is a link for a non-Casey-dictionary definition.)  An awesome and fun sport, it has many applications in life, such as self defense, fun, personal growth, fun, fitness, and fun.  It is a surprisingly great way to meet lots of really cool people.

Casey-dictionary – hint, you are reading it!  A unique set of definitions, the Casey-dictionary works hand in hand with Casey-logic.

Casey-logic – a very complex, yet brilliant, system of logical reasoning.  Casey-logic is the highest form of logical reasoning, and arguments crafted with a Casey-logic foundation are impenetrable.  When one finds that Casey-logic is being used against them, they have no alternative but to cede the point at hand.  All attempts to refute Casey-logic will prove futile and should not be pursued.  To date, only one person has been capable of truly understanding the finer points and intricate layering involved in the use of Casey-logic.

Coffee – thought by  many to be a daily beverage, or even a vice.  In reality, coffee is one of the staples of life, likely more important than any other food group.  Neglecting to imbibe one’s daily allotment of coffee can be dangerous for those with whom one interacts.  Please, remember your coffee!

Directions – see below under “Instructions”

Exercise – really, does this need a definition?  Exercise is boring, unfun, boring, and unfun.  The health benefits from exercise can be just as easily, if not more easily, obtained via fun activities like bjj (brazilian jiu jitsu), kettlebells, walking, hiking, and other exciting, non-boring and non-unfun activities.  Once an activity is labeled as exercise, it is immediately stripped of anything enjoyable.  To be healthy, slim, trim and all that happy you know what, one should engage in an eclectic blend of playful, enjoyable activities that bear no resemblance to exercise.

Inner Tigger – That within us which is pure Tiggerness – those who are embracing their inner Tigger are likely to be – bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun and more fun!  They will be full of vim and vigor, they will love to leap.  They will also be jumpy, bumpy, clumpy and thumpy, fun, fun, fun, fun and more fun.  Most of all, they will be cuddly and sweet!

Instructions – a verbose and confusing document with a sole purpose of causing Casey’s brain to hurt.  Suggesting that Casey might consider reading such a document is generally not advised.  Should one be tempted to make such a suggestion, a preferable course of action (and imminently safer too!) would be to read said document oneself and provide Casey with the concise, condensed version.  Alternately, one could opt to make the inadvisable suggestion “read the instructions”, and immediately duck into a nearby bomb shelter.

Luxury soaker upper – a pet of any species in our household.   A luxury soaker-upper fills its day by sleeping on our bed and drooling on Casey’s pillow.  It lives only to bask in luxury, to be doted upon, to be fed, and to have its every need and whim met.

Two versions exist within the Clubb household – feline and canine.

The feline versions are prone to an early morning expression of dissatisfaction in the form of a cacophonous wailing, through which even partially deaf Casey is unable to sleep.  Once fed, they return to their favorite sleep locations, basking in the now vacant warm spots left by the humans who were unable to remain asleep through the earlier cacophony.   One must be very cautious not to contribute to stress in the lives of these luxury soaker-uppers as stress relief takes the form of precisely timed and poorly located emesis, which the humans obviously prefer to avoid at all cost.

The canine version believes her purpose in life is to have affection lavished upon her without limit.  Her toes should never come into contact with anything cold and wet.  Food tastes best when taken (by Daddy) off of Mommy’s plate and placed directly into her the eagerly waiting and drooling mouth of the canine luxury soaker-upper.  She is also known as the Yellow Bellied Coward.

Moderation – a risky endeavor, avoid at all costs, except as such endeavor serves to forward Casey’s progress on her journey of Tiggerhood.

Patience – a nasty cousin of moderation.  Often touted as a virtue, in reality, it is the antithesis of fun.  The phrase ‘Be patient!’ is often used to suggest that someone (i.e. Casey) has unrealistic expectations.  Naturally, to make such a suggestion is highly inadvisable.

Reese’s peanut butter cups – a delicacy.  Along with cheese puffs, considered to be an invaluable part of the writing routine.  Lack of access to peanut butter cups can create a state of great duress and writer’s block.  The eating of the Reese’s peanut butter cup is a complicated and very precise art form which Casey has perfected over the years.

Rolling – practicing bjj.  It’s lots of fun!

Temperature – a gauge of hotness, coldness and the general acceptability of the level of ambient comfort to Casey.  Temperature is not, as many misguided ones have believed, an objective number.   It cannot be correctly determined by looking at the weather forecast, or looking at the thermostat.  Temperature is what Casey says it is.  If Casey says that it is cold, looking at the thermostat and quoting the numerical value of the randomly displayed numbers is not only unwise and unhelpful, but very dangerous indeed.

Tigger – Without question the greatest, most awesomest, most adorable character ever!

Tiggerhood – to be like Tigger.

TiggerJitsu – An art form.  It is the philosophical foundation for – a lifelong pursuit of passion, love and laughter.   It combines elements of channeling one’s inner Tigger with the study and practice of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Tiggersight – a flash of Tigger inspired insight which is incomplete alignment with a journey of Tiggerhood.

Waiting – something which Casey simply does not do well.  Waiting is actually patience in disguise.  Some have supposed that the suggestion to wait is less unpalatable than the suggestion to be patient, however, both suggestions are met with the same displeasure.  Words like patience, moderation and waiting are simply not words to be used in Casey’s presence.

Work – potentially a very nasty word.  Ideally, Casey would not work.  However, some (including Casey’s brain) have suggested that work provides, in addition to finances, a myriad of opportunities for diverse interactions which may contribute to a greater sense of fulfillment in life.  Currently, no final decision has been made on the duration of Casey’s gainful employment.  Casey will continue to assess the appropriateness of work in her life, with the use of Casey-logic, until a definitive argument can be made one way or the other.

Yellow bellied coward – Our 70lb yellow Labrador, scared of her own shadow, scared of the cats, and now, scared of birds who chirp outside.  She prefers to hold her bladder than to brave a trip out the backdoor in the presence of scary bird noises.  She has been locked in her crate (door ajar, easily pushed open with a snout) for an entire day by a cat – a cat who was capable of moving said crate door with its own body weight of 10 pounds.  The only thing which can successfully elicit a modicum of bravery is, naturally, food. She first appeared in this post.